Iman Shumpert Ladies and Gentlemen!

Attention: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNfYdk0kuKk&feature=youtu.be

That is all.

FINAL: Knicks 87, Celtics 71. Knicks up 2-0!

The Knicks are up 2-0!


Box Score from tonight's wonderful game

Some quick thoughts:

- According to the committee in my brain that determines my thoughts, Carmelo Anthony CAN be the best player on a championship-caliber team. **Note the use of the word "caliber" there.**

Paul Pierce without his headband

-The Celtics are like old, slow turtles right now, what with their green uniforms and inability to run very fast. Paul Pierce really accentuated this look during a brief time period in the third quarter when he wasn't wearing a headband.

-Tyson Chandler can be all the "this is the best I've felt in a long time"'s that he wants (I've enlarged the apostrophe because at regular size that was a puzzling punctuation to read), but he's not quite there. I'm suspicious that he's going to have surgery this off-season which will be awkwardly explained away as unimportant by the Knicks.

And on that night, pipe was laid

- MSG needs to show J.R. some lovin' in the form of "J.R. Smith, J.R. Smith!" chants for two reasons: one, to congratulate the man on his 6th man of the year and thus-far playoff dominance, and two, to make sure he's not going anywhere next year when people can start offering him POISON PILL contracts. (Cue tears about Jeremy Lin. Then, cue video of the OKC vs. Rockets game one which subsequently cues tears to cease.)

- Felton is living up to his potential as someone who can seriously affect this series. If he keeps successfully driving through pick and rolls and getting lay-ups to fall then the Knicks will be tough to beat.

Rollin', much like like Limp Bizkit

- Kenyon Martin affects every play when he is on the court. Whether he's boxing out KG to keep him away from the play, or setting an off-the-ball screen that ends in a ferocious dunk/backboard slap, he makes a major impact at all times. He was a HUGE pickup and his ankle best stay healthy.

- Medical Suggestion for Kenyon Martin: RICE = Rest, Ice Compression, Elevation. So much RICE is in order.

- Amar'e was looking good with his purple tie. Keep looking good, Amar'e!

The Celtics aren't dead, not yet. But they are showing their age and could really use a true point guard. They'll win one in Boston, for America, but the Knicks will wrap the series up in five rather easily.

Time for the Playoffs! Knicks vs. Celtics Breakdown.

For the first time in a long, LONG, LONG, LONG, LONG  time, the Knicks are favored to win a playoff series! (edit: I originally had the following sentence: "They haven't won a playoff game since Vince Carter wasn't old and fat and was on the Raptors." Which is totally wrong, since they won the post-fire extinguisher game against the Heat last year. Conclusion? I'm an idiot).  They play the Boston Celtics, and game one is tomorrow, Saturday, at 3:30 p.m. Let's break this series down.

Part of a well-balanced breakfast

Point Guard: The Celtics will play this series without Rajon Rondo, who suffered an ACL tear earlier this season, so it comes down to Raymond Felton against Avery Bradley. Both players have the capability to make huge differences for their respective teams in this series. If Felton can play up to his season averages (14 ppg, 5.5 assists on 41% from the field) then he will be a huge help to the Knicks. He's only played nine career playoff games (none with the Knicks), and has been adequate, averaging around 11 points and 5 assists, slightly below his regular season career averages. 

Neither will play, but it's a cool pic

Unfortunately for Raymond, he's going up against one of the most annoying players to ever play the game in Avery Bradley. Bradley is a high school coach's dream and an opponent's nightmare (cliche alert), with his relentless press from the opening tip. Defense is where he can help propel the Celtics, as he is a below average/forgettable offensive player, likely due to the fact that he expends all his energy hounding players on the defensive side of the ball for 90 feet. 

Metaphor time: Picture a seesaw with two children of the same weight on either side, teetering back and forth, unsure of which way it will tip. That's this matchup at the moment; it could go either way.

Edge: Even

Shooting Guard: With Pablo Prigioni most likely out for at least game one due to a sprained ankle, it looks like this matchup will be Paul Pierce against Iman Shumpert. While it may feel like the 35-year-old Pierce is on his last legs, he has actually had a very solid season (18.6 ppg, 6 rebounds, 45% from the field), with little to no regression compared to the last few years. He's been your basic Paul Pierce this year against the Knicks, averaging 21 ppg on about 46% shooting. It doesn't matter how old Pierce gets, you can never count him out against the Knicks; he seems to really take pride in ripping the beating heart from my chest, eating it in front of me and then hopping onto his unnecessary wheelchair and wheeling away while laughing gleefully. 

Back in the game seconds later

He'll be dealing with Shumpert, who started off slowly this year when he came back from that torn ACL, but has gotten progressively better as the season has gone on. And even better, Shump has made a huge jump (I'd like to thank Walt Clyde for inspiring me to rhyme) this year in his three point shooting (40% this year, up from 30% last year). With the way the Knicks play offense (give the ball to Melo or J.R. and then spread out for potential open three pointers), Shumpert's ascension to above average three point shooter has been a huge plus for the Knicks. And, lately he's looked pretty darn spry on defense, with his knee appearing strong enough to withstand the quick footedness he displayed throughout his rookie season. 

Pierce gets the edge here, but only because he's one of the best players ever and Shump is still just a rook (even though he really isn't). 

Edge: Celtics

Small Forward: Chris Copeland has really weaseled his way into the Knicks rotation this year, with his real time slow motion offense. Seriously, he looks like he's moving in slow motion every time he drives and yet the man knows how to put a basketball inside of a basketball hoop -- in this season's last three regular season games, he scored 20, 32 and 33 points respectively. Meanwhile, the Celtics have Jeff Green, who, despite averaging only 13 points a game this season, is potentially their most deadly weapon on offense in this series -- he scored 43 points in a two-point loss to the Heat this year, and my general rule is that anyone who scores more than 40 points against LeBron James has the potential to do similar things to the Knicks. Cope has the edge in the "who looks more like Brittney Griner" competition, but unfortunately this is a basketball game.

Edge: Celtics

True Love

Power Forward: Brandon Bass is a pretty solid NBA player. But the Knicks have Carmelo Anthony. 

Edge: Knicks

Center: This is a little uncertain. Tyson has been saying all the right things: "I'm 100%," "I feel great and ready to go," "This is the best I've felt in a long time," "It was a blessing in disguise that I was able to get that time off. I'm going to have fresh legs throughout the playoffs and I'm excited about this long run we're about to endure."

It sounds AWESOME. But Tyson didn't look quite "Tyson" enough when he came back for that brief period recently, wearing a black muscle shirt underneath his jersey. Hopefully he doesn't need that muscle shirt anymore, because his bare shoulders are so much more intimidating than fabric. One the other end, Garnett is ALSO coming back from injuries. Garnett, like Pierce, is an all-time great who cannot be underestimated. He still has the potential to be a really solid offensive player -- both in the post and from mid-range. Both are ridiculously physical players, so they should bring back a little of that classic toughness that the NBA has fought so hard to eradicate. Which may, of course, lead to one of them getting re-innjured. Not to be a homer, but PLEASE GOD LET IT BE GARNETT AND NOT TYSON.

Edge: Even/Uncertain at the moment.

Bench: The edge goes to the Knicks here, heavily. They have J.R. "I'm about to make so much fucking money this offseason" Smith, who has been OUTSTANDING this season -- especially in the last few months, as he's begun driving to the hoop instead of settling for classic J.R. Smith long two-pointers. Jason Kidd is the Knicks other coach. Steve Novak has potential to be a game-changer every single game if he can just get a few good, open looks. If Kenyon Martin's ankle holds up then he should be just as fantastic as he was when he first got here last month. Marcus Camby probably won't play, but he brings that 1999 finals run nostalgia. The Celtics, meanwhile, have Jason "I suck now" Terry and a bunch of other guys that probably won't have much of an impact. 

Edge: Knicks, by a wide margin.

Dreamy

Coach: Coaching in the NBA is a funny thing. For years, Celtics fans yearned for Doc Rivers to be fired -- then, the original big three happened, and they won a championship. Now, he's one of the most respected coaches in the league. One thing I've noticed is that Rivers is tremendous at drawing up plays for one specific possession near the ends of games. Almost every time he picks up that clipboard in the huddle, the ensuing possession ends in a basket. So let's try not to stop play late in close games, guys. 

Mike Woodson has already taken his place as one of the top coaches in Knicks history by coaching them out of their 10-year funk. He somehow got through to J.R. Smith, and let's be honest, that's all that really matters. Both of these guys are solid coaches.

Edge: Even

Prediction: Knicks in 5. 

Even though the "edge" count is pretty damn even, the Knicks get the most important edge, and that is the "who will win the series?" edge. Melo has officially entered his prime, and is so hungry he could eat at Arby's (if you don't' get it then you don't watch enough Simpsons). He may also potentially eat Honey Nut Cheerios on a given night if La La is in the right mood. The Knicks depth far outweighs the Celtics depth, too. The Knicks will win, but the Celtics won't wilt and die for two reasons: 1) they aren't a fucking flower. 2) They are a team of pride, and Garnett and Pierce alone will will (two wills in a row, awesome) them to at least one victory, and possibly two. But most likely one.

Let's go Knicks!

Welcome Back! Recap!

Welcome back! It's been OVER TWO YEARS since I've posted, whoops. So, for those of you who literally only get their Knicks news from this blog, here's a quick recap of what has transpired since I last posted.

To be read as a run-on sentence:

The 2011 season ended with the Knicks being swept by the Celtics in first round and the Knicks went into the next season with Toney Douglas as their new starting point guard but he failed miserably as Amar'e and Melo struggled to co-exist but the newly acquired Tyson Chandler was outstanding and in February, Mike D'Antoni brought a no-name point guard off the end of bench during a meaningless game against the Nets, who miraculously schooled Deron Williams and suddenly took the NBA by storm (he was a no-name in figurative terms only -- he does have a name, it's Jeremy Lin), and soon after, the Knicks signed J.R. Smith who had been playing in China, but before the playoffs Lin hurt his knee and was unable to play, meanwhile Mike Woodson took over as head coach for the fired D'Antoni and the Knicks surged into the playoffs but then Amar'e angrily punched a fire extinguisher and had to miss game three but came back in game four as the Knicks won their first postseason game since 2000-01, setting off a plethora of confetti streaming from the rafters of Madison Square Garden even though they ultimately lost to the Heat in five and then last offseason the Knicks inexplicably decided not to bring back Lin and instead acquired a whole bunch of former Knicks (Raymond Felton, Kurt Thomas, Marcus Camby) along with a couple of other really old dudes (Jason Kidd and the 35-year-old rookie hailing from Argentina, Pablo Prigioni) as part of their attempt to create the oldest NBA team ever, at which they were extremely successful, but then Amar'e had surgery and was out for the start of the season yet the the Knicks still started 8-0 and then 18-5, including two blowout victories against the Heat and New York rejoiced, but then the Knicks struggled, playing the middle of the season as basically a .500 team and New York bemoaned but then late in the season they once again surged, claiming the number two seed in the East, their highest seeding since 1993-94 (when they lost in the Finals to the Houston Rockets), where they will play the Boston Celtics starting tomorrow at 3:30 p.m.

And here's that same basic story, but in picture form: 

 D'Antoni's default emotion

BFFs? Sadly, no. 

Let's have a good, clean fight.

Will he wear this shirt on the sideline for game 1? Stay tuned.

Would beat me in a fight.